May I call you Zooey? Okay. Here’s the thing. I adore you. I love the fact that you and I have the same coloring (when I’m at my natural hair color) – dark brown hair, blue eyes, pale skin. I love your singing voice. I love that you married my Requisite Indie Girl Crush, Ben Gibbard. I love how you’re basically the same character* in every movie. I even love that damn Cotton commercial.
But… okay. There’s a new girlcrush in my life. I think you’ll be okay with her, because she’s basically The Hottest Woman To Grace The Planet. Her name?
I MEAN COME ON.
If you tell me you wouldn’t hit that, you’re either a complete idiot or a liar. Probably both.
So, Zooey, I’m so sorry, but I must bid you adieu. There’s a new girlcrush in town.
*Manic Pixie Dream Girl